where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
