just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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