apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
