It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why did my mother make you get naked?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
