you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
