This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
