It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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