just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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