Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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