was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
