I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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