I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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