i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
