hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize