Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
