Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
