tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize