is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
