Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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