This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
