I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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