I got chris browned last night
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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