I'm really into asian looking animals
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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