can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
