OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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