piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
