Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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