The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
