Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
