you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
