I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
