o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
