Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
