I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Shame - the story of my life.
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