hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
