he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
