Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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