This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
