Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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