went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
