Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize