Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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