i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
