This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
