guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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