tonight lets celebrate not being married
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
