Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
