So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
