You're completely useless in the revolution.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
