I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
