ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
