i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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