i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
