i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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