Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize