ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i drank out of a bidet.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
