My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
