I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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