Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you inspire me to be a worse person
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
