So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
And then my night got REAL pukey
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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