I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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