When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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