70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
