Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
