you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
