am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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