Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
