Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
