On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
