Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
