How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
