I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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