absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
