I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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