Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize