Well apparently he's into motor boating.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
