Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize