I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
