Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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