Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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