You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
