yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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