Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
