my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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