Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize