Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
