you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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