I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
