I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
